Considerations on the House of Koopa

Okay, taking my last post and running with it...

Koopas, like all reptiles in the Super Mario Universe, are a hermaphroditic species. There are no "female" or "male" Koopas; the concept of gender was only recently introduced to them through cultural exchange with the Mushroom Kingdom. Koopas that have visible gender identifiers are just imitating humans.

Koopas don't mate for life, which is why Bowser's never been seen with a mate. Instead, he's had several partners who sired his children like so:

1st mate: Ludwig
2nd mate: Roy and Morton
3rd mate: Wendy
4th mate: Iggy and Lemmy
5th mate: Larry

As for his last child, Junior, Bowser decided he wants an heir to mold perfectly in his own image, so he somehow impregnated himself, possibly with the aid of his Magikoopas. This is why Junior looks almost exactly like Bowser did as a child: he's basically a clone.

Why does Bowser keep abducting Princess Peach? Not because he's physically attracted her. It's purely symbolic in that he's holding the heir to the Mushroom Kingdom hostage. His occasional attempts to force her to marry him aren't for the sake of procreation but just to consolidate his power over both nations.

Why does Junior occasionally refer to Peach as his mommy? Because he's a dumb kid who doesn't know where hatchlings come from.

So there ya go. Irrefutable proof that I need to get my brain checked.

Mario Musings

It's kind of weird how King Bowser has like eight kids but we've never seen their mother. I got to thinking, though...

Yoshi is referred to as male, but lays eggs.

Birdo is supposed to be biologically male, but spits eggs out of her mouth.

Is there something we don't know about reptiles in the Super Mario Universe? Could gender be merely a social construct to them? Does Bowser lay eggs?

I... I think I broke my brain. :(

Stranger in the Crowd

Here's a cute ad from this year's Super Bowl. :D



I love the orc. ;)

Who is Waluigi, anyway...?

The Genealogy of Mario: As Explained to me by Japanese 6-year-olds.

Just a cute, funny read I found on the Internet.

MOVE FASTER, POKEY!

I swear, this brightens my day every time I watch it. That poor dude!!!

Bowl on the Run

This is just cute.

This film was made for the Antarctic 48 Hour film competition at McMurdo Station.

Film requirements were it had to be made in Antarctica within 2 days, had to contain a bowl, an ice cream cone, a sleeping person, the sound of a phone, and the line "We've lost another one".

This won best film.

...because there's not a whole lot else to do in Antarctica.

Magic Set Editor

Speaking of MTG, Magic Set Editor is a fun program that lets you design your own card sets. I was fooling around and made a few cards, including two for a couple of friends of mine (ya know who ya are).




(I don't know what to say about this other than that I was just fooling around with the multicolor settings.)

13 Posts: Finale

And here we are at the end of the road. Let's finish this off with some good, clean fun, shall we? Here's Bobby "Boris" Pickens hamming it up with his novelty smash hit, "The Monster Mash", to some charmingly bad '70s animation:



This isn't something I'll do again, I don't think. It got to the point where coming up with something to post, often only a few minutes to midnight, felt like a chore, and I want to keep my blogging fun. In spite of that, though, it was a good exercise in stretching my writing muscles, and I found a few gems along the way that I previously hadn't known about. All in all, it was definitely not a loss.

I don't know if anyone has been following along, but if you have, thanks. :) I hope I wasn't too boring. ;)

Cheers!
Filb

13 Posts: Frankennerd

Well, here it is nearly two weeks after Halloween, and my 13 Posts project is at its end. And wouldn'tcha know it, I missed an update in my first week at this? Guess I'll have to double up.

First... well, it's gotten to be a running gag at this point. Here's James Rolfe one last time, in his signature role as the one and only Angry Video Game Nerd, reviewing several really bad video games based very (very) loosely on Mary Shelley's classic novel, Frankenstein, and meddling in That in Which Man Was Meant Not to Meddle along the way. Fair warning: Lots and lots of profanity ahead.

13 Posts: Repercussions of Evil

Only one more post to go! I'm running out of steam, honestly, so I'll keep this one short.

There's not much to say about this video. It's a surreal recitation of the hilariously bad Doom fanfiction, "DOOM: Repercussions of Evil" (which has since vanished from the Internet), typos and all, set to music. If that isn't horror, I don't know what is.



Truly the work of a fevered mind.

13 Posts: Hansel and Gretel

When you think creepy comics, you probably think Tales from the Crypt, the classic flagship title of the now-defunct EC Comics. EC published many other horror and suspence comics, including Shock SuspenStories and Crypt's two sister titles, The Haunt of Fear and The Vault of Horror. These comics were wildly popular in the late '40s and early '50s, and known for gruesome depictions of violence and gore; they were the main target of the anti-comics movement spearheaded by Dr. Frederic Wertham.



"Hansel and Gretel", from Haunt of Fear #23, is a classic example of the "twisted fairy tale" convention, which would become popular in later years with a slew of dark-'n'-edgy (and often tasteless) remakes like Snow White: A Tale of Terror and Grimm Fairy Tales. This story stands out from the others, though, with its subversive, sarcastic sense of humor, going to show that it doesn't take itself too seriously. Hosted by the Old Witch (the better-known Crypt Keeper's distaff counterpart), it retells the classic tale by the Brothers Grimm from a decidedly different perspective.

You can read it here.

13 Posts: The Deader the Better

I don't mind admitting that I have a bit of a man-crush on James Rolfe, known to the wider Internet as the Angry Video Game Nerd. I was first exposed to his work through his video game reviews, which are so chock full of profanity and scatalogical references that it made my head spin, but downright hilarious because of just how over-the-top he takes it. If you're a fan of NES games or just enjoy a blast from the past, you've gotta check him out.

Recently, though, I've been enjoying some of Rolfe's non-AVGN material. The man is seriously into horror and suspense cinema, and his devotion to the art of filmmaking is inspiring. He's created over 200 short films since his childhood through his production company, the Cinemassacre, and shows no signs of stopping. One of these films - and expect me to go back to this well more than once - is a zombie flick titled The Deader the Better.



Let me warn you - this is an extremely gory movie, though the blood 'n' guts are obviously (and deliberately) fake. The Exorcist it ain't, but as a send-up of the zombie genre it's good fun.

"Soda Pop" my eye!

I love this cover:



Clark: Man... you ever notice how weird your hand looks? It's like... *wiggles fingers*

Pa: ......dude, what?

Charles Schulz knows what women want.

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

SEGATA SANSHIRO.

How to Draw Like a Commercial Hack

Say, is it just me, or are 90% of the "How to Draw Comics/Manga/Whatever" books on the shelves written by artists who have never published successful comics?

Mind you, about 89% of "How to Draw Comics/Manga/Whatever" books are written by Christopher Hart...

Those who cannot do...

Sailor Krypton

So is it just me, or is Superman basically every optimistic, idealistic anime girl heroine who Never Gives Up and Believes in the Power of Friendship rolled into one big muscley guy in a cape?



I think so.

Vicious Cycles

Superman is a dick. This is an established fact.

It's also a fact that Superman -- or Superboy, I should say -- was a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes, that group of superpowered teenagers from the 30th century who were inspired by his legacy.

They were even bigger dicks than he was.


"Whozawhat?!"

But what we have here is a paradox. The Legion were such dicks because of Superman's influence... but Superman was a dick because he hung out with the Legion!

It's a temporal loop of dickery!

From the brilliant mind of Jack T. Chick...

Hm, lemme see. We've got a filthy Muslim, a vile Satanist punk, a dirty Chinese commie, a disgusting pagan witch, a depraved... atheist schoolteacher? And a murderous... is that a paleontologist?

'Cause we all know those dirty evil-lutionist bone-diggers exist for nothing but to hate Lord Jesus!

You Know...

I just now realized, two weeks after it went out of business, the irony of shopping at a comic book store with an obese owner... in Springfield.

*facepalm*

Worst. Joke. Ever.