The Magic is Gone

I hate to say it, but I think it's time for me to stop collecting Magic: The Gathering cards and move on to more productive hobbies.

One problem is that I'm just not playing with anybody. I'll play with my sister maybe once every other week, but she's playing with my cards and I always beat her so there's really no reason to bother. There are no gaming shops within my area, and even if there were I'm too shy to walk into one and start a game with people I don't even know.

But more importantly, this hobby is expensive. I've probably spent close to four-hundred dollars on Magic cards over the last year. That was fine when I was making $200 a week, but now that I've left my job to go back to school, I need to be a lot more frugal with my money. I've been buying cards not to play with but just to own them, and that's an incredible waste of money.

So, yeah. No more cards for me.

"Soda Pop" my eye!

I love this cover:



Clark: Man... you ever notice how weird your hand looks? It's like... *wiggles fingers*

Pa: ......dude, what?

Charles Schulz knows what women want.

The Doctor is In

I have somehow in the last week turned into a Doctor Who fan. I don't know how it happened, but I've watched the entire first series of the current revival and am halfway through the second.

A few things I have discovered:

1) David Troughton, the Second Doctor, is now my favorite.

2) However, Chris Eccleston will forever be my Doctor.

3) I rather fancy Billie Piper.

4) Daleks are scary as hell.

I might say a bit more as I get more into the series. David Tennant is shaping up nicely as the Tenth Doctor, I must say. I also would like to write a bit about Final Crisis if I can find the energy.

I have just made a startling discovery...

The First Doctor is pretty cool.

So is the Tenth.

Now I'm kinda curious about the ones in between.

The Simpsons Movie

I have a confession to make.

I have never watched a single episode of The Simpsons.

(this is where you gasp and recoil in shock)

Yet due to the extent to which the series has permeated American pop culture (and particularly the Internet nerd/geek subculture), I still know pretty much all there is to know about the show. I know who everyone is. I know the relationships between the characters. I know that Smithers can't get enough of Mister Burns and why Sideshow Bob is public enemy number one. Yet I've never actually sat through a whole episode of the show itself.

So The Simpsons Movie was an odd experience for me in that going in I knew everything on paper but not in practice.

I liked it, honestly, but I get the feeling that I would have liked it more if I'd been tuning in every week for the last twenty years. I've heard it criticized as being like just another episode of the show only extra long, but I wouldn't know. It was sad watching Bart's growing rift with his dad and Homer coming to grips with how much of a jerk he was, but I think I would have gotten more out of it if I'd invested more into the franchise before now.

Still, the movie worked on a more basic level as far as jokes and gags went. ("Of course I'm going mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, nobody listens to you.") I had a smile on my face from beginning to end, and that's what matters.

It was also nice to see a successful 2D animated feature film afloat in the sea of lucrative yet mediocre CGI films about wisecracking talking animals that keep getting thrown at us. I like CGI, but not as much as I like traditional animation. They're really separate art forms that should judged by separate standards, so it saddens me that there's this feeling of competition between them.

Anyway, I recommend the movie to pretty much everyone, Simpsons fans and otherwise. Give it a watch if you have the chance - it's worth it.

The Queen

I saw The Queen last night, and it was fantastic.

Helen Mirren disappears into the role of HRM and totally deserved her Oscar. Michael Sheen was slightly less smashing as Tony Blair, but then the movie wasn't titled The Prime Minister, and it was still a good performance.

It was something else to see the events of Princess Diana's death from this perspective, since when she died I was only 13 and only knew that she was this pretty lady who helped a lot of people. I had no idea of her relationship with the royal family or the press, only that her death deeply affected many people, including my parents.

I also come away hating Prince Phillip even more than I did before, never mind that it was a fictional depiction and probably exaggerated.

It's a Rumic World

This one goes out to all the Urusei Yatsura, Ranma 1/2, and Inu-Yasha fans out there:



Apparently this is a preview for an art exhibit titled "It's a Rumic World" that opened today celebrating the anime and manga of Rumiko Takahashi. I'm not as much of a fan as I used to be, but I still hold a soft spot in my heart for Ranma, Akane, Ryōga, and the rest, and it's a joy to see Ranma back in animation - and with his/her original voices to boot, not to mention crossing over with the other Takahashi all-stars.

Mama mia, my thumbs...

Mario Kart DS is a funny thing. Ultimately shallow and meaningless, yet brutally addictive. Once you start, it is almost impossible to stop, no matter how bored and tired you become.

Just one more lap... one more race... one more tournament... I promise, I'm almost done...

More Batman Movie Thoughts (SPOILERS)

There's already talk that Christopher Nolan is considering one more movie in his Batman franchise, and that's got me thinking. We all know that Batman (or at least Batman movies) are defined by his villains. But the first two movies have pretty much used up the Bat's two biggest foes - Ra's al-Ghul and the Joker - and it's safe to say that neither of them are coming back for another. So who else looms large enough in the Caped Crusader's rogues gallery to carry a whole feature-length film?

My first thought was Bane, the villain from the early-'90s comic storyline Knightfall who appears mysteriously in Gotham, wears Batman down by staging a massive jailbreak at Arkham Asylum, confronts Batman, and breaks his back just to prove he can. I think that could make a decent movie, but I'd rather they not just adapt a storyline straight from the comics - The Dark Knight may draw heavily from Alan Moore's The Killing Joke and Grant Morrison's Arkham Asylum, but it's still its own story. On top of that, Bane just never appealed to me as a character. He's an important part of Batman's world and rightly so, but he's just not one of the "classic" rogues, and I just like them better.

Catwoman's rights are tied up from the horrible Halle Berry movie and she's not really a villain anyway, so that leaves Two-Face, who survived The Dark Knight and has a personal grudge against the Batman that would give him a reason to set the events of a third film in motion. Plus Aaron Eckhart has said he'd love to return to the role, which is another plus. But Harvey Dent was a supporting character in TDK, Could he handle a whole movie on his own?

What I would like to see is this: Two-Face leading a collection of madmen in a headlong rush against Batman. It would be a great opportunity to mine the Arkham crowd for villains who couldn't hold a film on their own but who would make great supporting characters. Obiously a lot of the more fantastic characters (Mister Freeze, Clayface, Poison Ivy, Man-Bat) would be right out, but it would still give the more human rogues a chance to shine, and it would follow up on the idea in the first two movies that crime in Gotham is getting increasingly stranger due to Batman's influence.

What I'm thinking is this.

Two-Face: Harvey Dent's role in the sequel is a mockery of his role as Gotham's "white knight" in the previous one. His desire for justice has been subverted into a desire for control: If he can't take down the mob, he'll run them, and now that Falcone and Maroni are gone he's in a prime position to grab the reins himself, using both mobsters and his more flamboyant allies to run the city's crime while striking back at Batman.

The Riddler: Eddie Nigma is Dent's idea man and second in command. He's the only one of Two-Face's circle that isn't seriously mentally ill. His riddles aren't a compulsion - they're a performance. It's his way of showing how much smarter he is than anyone he goes up against. The Riddler is a smug little bastard you love to hate. He never gets his own hands dirty. My choice for the actor? Johnny Depp.

The Scarecrow: Cillian Murphy returns one more time, but this time the character will play up the scarecrow theme more than in the first two movies. Instead of the black business suit, he's now wearing something like a ragged Western preacher-man's outfit like in the '90s cartoon. Scarecrow is Two-Face's enforcer, intimidating their enemies not with brute force but with fear gas. To make him scarier, this time around we don't see Jonathan Crane out of the costume at all: He's completely vanished into the Scarecrow persona.

The Mad Hatter: Jervis Tetch is insane to the point of having little to no self-control. I'm not sure if his mind-control gimmick could work in the more serious world of the Nolan movies, but he could still be an expert of some sort - electronics, chemicals, whathaveyou. Aside from Two-Face, the Hatter comes closest to being sympathetic, since he's so far removed from reality that he doesn't understand that what he's doing is wrong, but he's still frightening because of just how nuts he is. As for the actor, I'm thinking Robin Williams, or maybe Martin Short if he could pull off a dramatic role.

That's what I'm thinking, and now that I've thought it up there's no chance of ever seeing it on screen.

Filby at the Movies

I just saw The Dark Knight.

Without giving out any spoilers, I will say:

• The movie was FUCKING AMAZING
  
• Heath Ledger is the most amazing Joker ever (except for Mark Hamill).
  
• When I saw what happened to Harvey Dent, I literally jumped.
  
• The nachos grande from the concession stand were great.
  
• The Scarecrow wasn't as scary this time around.
  
• Did I mention the movie was FUCKING AMAZING

(Gawd, I love the unordered list HTML tag...)

In the end, it was even better than Batman Begins. Blows everything else out of the water. GO SEE IT NOW

Going off on a tangent, I saw a lot of posters for animated movies at the theater, and it got me thinking about super-heroes. I'm not very fond of CGI animation, but you know what would look great in the medium? A Shazam! movie in CGI.

I'm thinking....

• Patrick Warburton as Captain Marvel.
  
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Black Adam. (Can you smell what Black Adam is cooking?!! I think it's couscous...)
  
• Wallace Shawn (or maybe Armin Shimmerman) as Doctor Sivana.
  
• Sir Ian McKellan as the Old Wizard (though I'm not sure if I'd want to typecast him like that).
  
• The actress who played Darla Dimple in Cats Don't Dance as Mary Marvel.
  
• Charles Durning as Uncle Dudley.

I'm drawing a blank on Cap Junior and Talky Tawny, but something might come to me eventually.

A Fine Feathered Fiend

I'm not a Batman fan. I think he's okay, I enjoy a Bat-story once in a while, and I like him when he's in an ensemble like the Justice League, but I never go out of my way to read Batman comics (cartoons and movies are another matter, but you get the gist).

That said, I think he has a fantastic array of villains, quite possibly the greatest rogues' gallery in comics. (I like the Flash's rogues better as characters, but in terms of overall quality they can't compete.) The one big-name Batman villain I've never taken a shine to, though, is the Penguin. He's just a funny little man who likes birds and umbrellas, you know? He's not part of the Arkham crowd: Tim Burton's version aside, he's perfectly sane, which makes him stand out uncomfortably among the likes of the Joker or Two-Face. Depending on the interpretation he's either a gentleman thief or a crooked businessman, which again puts him at odds with the more blatantly murderous Bat-rogues. There's just nothing scary about him whatsoever.

That's what I thought.

And I was wrong.

Click here.

The Old Walking Song

It's been on my mind.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

The Road goes ever on and on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.

The Road goes ever on and on,
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

-- With slight changes from the original by J. R. R. Tolkien

Yeah, so, I almost died.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!

Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

The following is a completely true story. Any resemblance to Stephen King's Stand by Me is purely coincidental and probably pretty tenuous at best seeing as I only saw the last half of the movie and never read the book. I'm posting this here because I find it a remarkable story that may serve as a cautionary tale of sorts, and because I am an attention whore.

I arrived home from work today around 6:30 (I'd left at 4:20) and wrote the following on my LiveJournal:

fucking jesus christ i need a hug.

i thought I could walk home from work. Oh god, the traffic. no sidewalks. cars. 45 mph. I think I almost died.

Covered in mud. scratched up. torn my pantsd. need a shower. Need food. fuck dinner, i'm ordering out.

i am so fucking stupid

Around 8:00, I amended my post, adding the following:

After work, I went out to wait for the bus for the first time - for my first two weeks I'd been relying on rides from family or coworkers. I waited for perhaps 40 minutes before realizing I wasn't 100% sure where the bus I was waiting for went, and set off to find a more certain bus stop. I wandered around, basically lost in relation to the bus route (though I knew where home was relative to my position), without finding any bus stops. At that point I said "screw it" and decided to walk home, as I thought it would actually take less time than waiting for the bus and getting a transfer back up. I knew two routes home; I was aware that one of them had a reputation for being a very dangerous route for pedestrians, and knew little to nothing about the walking conditions on the other. So I took the latter.

Little did I know that I had sailed away from Scylla directly into the maw of Charybdis.

After taking a very scenic, lovely side road from Page Boulevard to Worcester Street, I set out down the latter to find that there was no sidewalk. So I'd walk on the shoulder, I thought, and set out. Unfortunately, there was no shoulder - in most places, a wall of impenetrable vegetation came right up to the road. This is where I started to get nervous. Well, fine, I told myself, there was enough distance for oncoming cars to see me coming and get into the left lane.

Except there wasn't.

In at least three places that I can remember, there were curves in the road that made it impossible for drivers to see me, and I had to listen very carefully for oncoming traffic before inching my way forward. This is where I started to be genuinely frightened for my well-being. After coming within six inches of being hit by speeding SUVs and getting splattered all over the road one too many times, I started to panic, waited for a break in the traffic, ran across, and got off the road into the woods. And this is where I went from "stupid asshole walking on the highway" to "panicked fool fearing for his life."

Around this point I tore a small hole in my slacks walking next to the guard rail and sustained a long but harmless scratch on my leg. I saw a stream running parallel to the road and thought I could follow its shore safely for some distance, but it turned out that what looked like solid dirt was actually very viscous mud, and both my feet sunk in several inches, covering both my feet and one pants leg in grime - and here I thank goodness that it was casual Friday and I'd worn my sneakers. I think I started to limp at this point. I reached a point where the stream flowed out of a man-made culvert beneath a slope covered with loose stones, and was still lucid enough to realize that if I tried to walk across them I'd most likely fall and break a leg at the least, so I threw my bookbag across, climbed up the slope and around the rocks, and back down before climbing further up the slope to a railway that crossed Worcester Street on a bridge and sat down on the rocky ground to let my heart rate come back down to a reasonable pace.

Physically, it was easier going after that point, but mentally, I'd started to lose it. I found a fence and followed it parallel to Worcester Street, pushing my way past sumacs and almost tripping on bittersweet vines, getting blackberry thorns stuck in my clothes (I am so fucking glad I wasn't wearing shorts) before finally coming to a relatively open stretch next to the road and wading through crab grass and thistle, hoping I didn't pick up any ticks or mites (I didn't) before finally, thank goodness, catching sight of a large abandoned business complex at an intersection with a sidestreet, whereupon I finally knew exactly where I was and started the long trudge home.

This is where I lost any pretense at sanity. By this point I was talking to myself, shouting at crows, and limping miserably step by step to my ultimate destination. At one point I started singing "The Road Goes Ever On and On" audibly to myself. Traversing a network of very scenic, very safe side roads with attractive little middle-class houses and passing mercifully few other people (and retaining just enough of myself to sneer derisively at a bumper sticker reading "Keep working! Millions on welfare depend on you!"), I found my house at last, limped up the steps, dropped my bag like a hot potato, hugged my dog like I hadn't seen him in a decade, stripped out of my muddy pants and socks, washed my hands, stuffed my face with some cake, got on the computer, and posted the above. After about a half hour had passed, thanks in part to some very soothing instrumentals by Joe Hisaishi, I regained enough presence of mind to go take a shower, and ordered a very fattening but very comforting calzone.

And here I am.

All I can say is that I returned home a very humbled man. I somehow survived thanks to my rudimentary survival skills learned at ECOS and a great deal of blind luck. I feel very stupid and very relieved, and very VERY glad that it's over, and from now on I am either bumming a ride off my coworkers or WAITING FOR THE GODDAMN FUCKING BUS.

And that's all.

Watch This Space

Hey folks. Sorry I haven't been updating lately. I've been busy with a new job (insurance customer service rep) and I just haven't had much time to put my thoughts together to talk about pop culture like I usually do. I can't guarantee that I'll be back posting more regularly, but I'll try not to go more than a week at a time without checking in.

Stuff I'm into right now: H. P. Lovecraft's Dream Cycle, the upcoming Magic: The Gathering set (Eventide), Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam!, Kurt Busiek's Trinity.

While I'm here, check out this awesome version of that Mario symphony I posted some time ago with added vocals!